I GET IT {personal} ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photographer

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So, last December, the stars aligned and I was able to fly down to Texas and be photographed by one of the photographers I greatly look up to. When I first contacted Kara Marie, I wasn’t sure WHEN we’d be able to shoot because I know she books up really quickly, but it just so happened that a client had rescheduled for Dec 3, a few days after my workshop in Dallas, so I knew I had to jump on this opportunity. When she sent me the quote with the cost, I hesitated. $3000+ (with the exchange rate) for photos? Was this something I could justify? And that’s when it hit me….I am EVERY client I have ever had in my studio. That’s also when I realized that my hesitation with the cost wasn’t the cost (because Kara is worth a bajillion dollars more than that)….my hesitation was with my worth in that moment.

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See, I had spent the first part of 2018 keeping busy and I didn’t even realize the toll it took on me (if you had seen my end of 2018 post you will know what I am referring to) so by the time September rolled around and I needed to book my annual photoshoot, I truly had lost the value in myself. Part of it is when you tie yourself so closely to your business, and something goes wrong, it’s not the BUSINESS going wrong….it’s YOU. And that’s what happened to me. I lost sight of what I was trying to accomplish with my work, I tried to do too much and in doing so had certain things falter and each time I felt, I dented that worth a bit more. Every time I had a potential client write me and tell me I was “too expensive” or I threw everything into a shoot, only to have someone take advantage of me, or the fact that I worked SO many hours and didn’t give my body the love and nourishment it needed so I felt weak and tired and squishy, my value was dented more and more. And here’s the thing….IF IT COULD HAPPEN TO ME: MS. GIVE NO FUCKS-BAD ASS-BOSS-BABE, IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE.

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Therefore, when it came time for me to invest in myself, I felt like the dented can of soup you find at the supermarket with the bright pink sticker telling you the value was less because of how it looked. Well, dented cans and I have something else in common: REGARDLESS OF OUR DENTS, WHAT’S INSIDE DOESN’T CHANGE

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So, I knew it was necessary to follow through on the investment: To show MYSELF that my worth was still there. My value had not decreased, despite what happened throughout the year. My investment in myself was necessary because I sit in front of women every week and give them permission to be their luxury expense for the year. My investment in myself was necessary because I fucking deserved to see that despite the mental battle, weight gain, and poor health I was STILL worth being documented and having an amazing experience.

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And so here I am, after taking the plunge! I never looked back once I committed. I put my trust in Kara’s hands as soon as I arrived at her killer studio and I told her I wanted to look like ME: messy, undone, lack of makeup, no lingerie Teri. I have had photoshoots done before (check out my end of year 2017 post!) and they were all amazing, but they were all more what I wanted to know what I COULD be, whereas this one was to document what I AM. (TMI: I didn’t even wax my hooha bits because I normally don’t in my life!) I showed up and let Kara do her thang and told her to “use” me and have fun as I knew she lives for cool editorial shit. And she did and you can clearly see, she did amazing!

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But the moral of the story is, I GET IT. I get the hesitation in spending money on yourself and I understand the hesitation to book before you “get your shit together”, but to be honest, these are the most raw, real photos of myself I have seen in a long time and a huge part of that is BECAUSE of the shit I was going through. I get feeling like a dented can of tomato soup, sitting sadly in the discount food section waiting for someone else to realize it’s worth. But that is literally THEE best time to give yourself a gift. Confidence doesn’t show up, until you do the things that scare you. It’s not something you create, it’s something you FIND. The value you see in yourself doesn’t come from anyone else, aside from you and I’m not saying doing a boudoir session is the only way to do that (though if you do wanna book and look into our payment plan options, click here!) it can be an investment in any capacity: an investment of time, an investment of money, and investment in YOU. Just like that dented can of soup, your confidence is in there, you just have to look past the dents to see the value in it.

A huge thank you to Kara Marie for all of these images (and more!) and for being a constant source of inspiration. You da bomb.com.